Friday, July 15, 2011

The Moment When... and your ex have both moved on. You've both realized the other has moved on, but no one really acknowledges it. You might play it down a bit to spare the other's feelings.

But then you realize you've got a good thing going for you. And so does he. And there's this moment of mourning and then a moment of happiness.

So you both congratulate each other and wish each other the best. There may have been a path you were walking together at one point, but it split. No point in placing blame about what happened. It's been almost three years since you had the talk and you sat in the floor and cried and held each other. Three years since you both put up walls. And you think you're probably not gonna find that love again.

Then you see the guy who has been your friend for so long and realize that maybe there was something more to it. And maybe your ex found the same support in a girl with a nice smile. Maybe you cross his mind. Maybe you don't.

You avoid the serious talks. The questions about what could have happened, if you had been more patient....if he had stayed around. It's just a awkward hug for luck, a wistful smile and then you send them on their way. And you're happy. I mean, really happy.

But there's a momentary loss. You feel a sting of grief and panic, because it is the end. And you thought you were gonna marry this man and have a family. And you hate absolutes. Life ebbs and flows. Then, after the wave of sadness, there is forgiveness. You can forgive yourself. You can forgive him. And you really do want him to be happy.

Then the panic subsides, and you can see a crystal clear image of what is right in front of you. A boy who will run out and get you cold medicine at 4 in the morning. A boy who carried boxes upon boxes of shoes and clothes without complaining about the sheer amount of clothes. A good boy.

And so you lock the other in the back closet of your mind. And you wrap your arms around the one you have.

"Now. Everything. Begins."

1 comment:

  1. Very well-written, and accurate. When I went through my biggest breakup (exactly two years ago, as it were), the hardest part was learning to compartmentalize my feelings for her. The love never really goes away, it's just different. Maybe that realization is just part of growing up. Thanks for sharing.